He's Back!

He is back!

Most probably its because he failed the subject or subjects so gonna resit this December.

Well, I'm happy and at the same time I'm sad.

Everything has changed.

He is no longer single.

I feel like digging a hole and hide myself when I refresh back what I did.

 Pm him at fb, following his insta ( stalk him like a crazy women )

Some told me that this is fate.

No doubt that he always appear when I'm in seriously shit.

Is this consider as fate or coincident?

Appear, disappear and reappear.

When I'm ready to take a step forward, I found out that last sem was his final sem.

When I cant stop thinking of him, I saw him with his girlfriend.

When I'm on my way to let go, he is back. 

How funny is this?

Things just not gonna work because he is someone's boyfriend now.

I Wish That I Could Be Like A Cool Kid.

 People are REALISTIC.

Just that it is out of my expectation that it could be so mean to that extend.

UNFAIR TREATMENT.

I agree with the sentence ' different people different treatment' but my case is slightly more than the meaning of this sentence.

I'm not sure whether this is so called jealousy or normal reaction but I really mind.

 It's super obvious that my existence isn't important when the 'special' one is there. 

Is it because I'm not a pretty girl?

or

Is it because I'm fat?

Whatever the 'special' one says will always correct while my words mostly will be NONSENSE to them.

Seriously I'm so clueless about this.

WHY? WHY? WHY?

I'm not saying that they treat me badly, in fact quite well just that whenever decision is made it must be because of the 'special' one wanted it to be.

While me? 

Social night gave me super clear image of this bias treatment, when I asked is there anyone interested in joining this event everyone response will be like ' no need to study for coming exam?' .Okay that's fine but when the 'special' one asked the same question some of them will join. 

WTH ?

This isn't happen for weeks or months time but since the very beginning. 

I survived because I drawn my attention to Tyler instead of keep thinking why I've been treated differently.

I just don't know why? 

I hate myself for having this kind of mind thought but I just cant control, the feeling keep appearing.

Actually they do treat me quite well if I dont compare. 

Maybe I should be thankful with what I have and stop comparing.

I wish I could continue ignoring this kind of bias treatment till I graduate.

Someone told me  ' dont give opinion/suggestion when they dont appreciate it'.

I'm happy that I still have this ' someone ' to listen to me whenever I'm down. 

He is super kind, even if I told him I'm alright he will still insist to listen my story and help me out.

I appreciate him alot and mostly I feel better after talking to him.

Maybe he seems more experience than me.

We're just FRIENDS. 

Besides, I'm so touched with the phone call that I received .

We talked for about one and half hours. 

Someone who I can cried out my heart and telling the whole problem to.

Its so comfy to talk to her because she understands me well.

 Really really thanks for the call. 

I still like my university friends alot. 

They helped me alot especially when hiking and in study.

I hope one day you guys could appreciate my existence more than now. 

Just a little more. 

I KNOW WHAT I WANT. HOW ABOUT YOU?

Its the 4th day after the truth revealed, still in the mix feeling condition. Not too happy yet not too sad so still consider okay. LOL. I have so much to say but hardly express out through words. Hmm, where should I start? Lets begin in this way, last week I watched two movies which were Into The Storm and The Fault In Our Stars. I learnt a lot from both movies. Both movies have one similarity which is we will never know what happen next, things are really unpredictable. We should live everyday like our last day. Seriously, you should watch it and you will eventually understand what I mean. After all we live for our own, we shouldn't care so much on how's other judge us. Its not important!

Out of sudden I have so many 'to achieve list' which kinda pressure. I targeted to achieve all these in 2 years time, most probably by the time I graduate. Let me share with you my goals: 

1. Flat tummy / slim down / 50kg

2. Pass every paper at first attempt

3. Improve my english language

4. Develop a finance and economy brain 

5. Always look good in performing myself

So far just 5, guess will be increased in real soon. I'm ready for the challenge. I failed my F5 progress test 1, 2.5 more marks to pass and I did a few careless mistakes. Well, its no point to cry over spilled milk. Its a good start for me, I will definitely fight harder for the next progress test which is in 3 weeks time. I'm much much more better than last sem. I can feel my passion and keep fighting spirit, maybe its because I know by hook or by crook I have to pass and graduate on time. The past should remind in the past. I don't need people who pull me down so for those who under this category I beg and please you to stay away from me. People, lets keep fighting for better day! =) 

THE END.

FATED. I have been missing him almost everyday and I wish I could meet him accidentally like my friends.Its out my expectation that in few minutes time my question was answered. I was talking about him with joanne,engsing and waisum when we were on our way to midvalley. Its a shock to meet him there. Well, I was stunted  and I wonder why he has to avoid my eye sight when he saw me. Its like, whats wrong? You can just give me a smile right? I dunno why but after all I think its really time for me to move on. I really thank GOD, GOD treat me so good that he gave me an answer which I was looking for so much all these while. I didn't tear and this is the best part . =) Maybe he is just not my MR.RIGHT and all I need to do is wait for the right one. Anyway, long lasting love for both of them. <3

The Most Crucial Week.

I DID IT, I PASSED MY F4 (LAW) PAPER!!! Arghhhhhhhhh, this is totally out of my expectation. To be frank, I slacked a lot during last semester. I did'nt put 100% effort on it. I deserve it if I fail but thank God for giving me second chance. Really really thank GOD. 

I appreciate everything I have. Sometimes I do think I'm the luckiest child. My dad gave me the opportunity to pursue my dream at sunway college and my mum gave me her car for my convenient in kl, ended up she dont get the chance to drive in Ipoh (guilty to the max). With all these how can I fail my paper and disappoint them? I know my parents dont have any expectation on me but I do. I do think its my responsibility to pass every paper. 

I was super and super disappointed with myself once I stepped out from the exam hall on 9.6.14 because I knew I did it badly. From that moment onwards I know my F4 is hopeless and I kept putting the blame on myself. Why ,Why and Why I slacked so much till I screwed the paper? 

The moment when I got the result I teared, although it isnt a high mark score but at least I passed, I didnt wasted my dad's hard earn money.I will never make the same mistake anymore. Now I know my goals pretty well. I know I have to work super hard on it and all these will be worthwhile in future. Thank GOD for giving me another chance! 

Two days before result day, I decided to have a conversation with Tyler through Fb messenger because I think its time for me to decide whether to stay or move on. I know pretty well that there will be no answer if I just sit and wait for miracle to happen. Not that I dont believe in miracle but isnt this way. So I actually put him into decision making plan. I will decide in this way : if he replies, then there might be hope but if he dont, I will just keep the memories and set him as my role model. Till now, the message is still unseen. 

CHANGES

Being 21st years old isnt about sweet birthday or the most important birthday celebration in your life time. For me, it means its time to act and think in a mature way. We not only paying responsibilities to ourselves but also people around us. So called Duty of Care. Missed my old times so much especially secondary life, where I dont really have to think much. Now ITS HEAVY. Every night I just cant stop my brain from thinking about this and that. Im not only have to ensure my academic achievement is good but I have to think of ways to earn as much money as possible or to save as much money as I can. Accidents and emergency can be happened at any time. We have to always think of Plan B in our lives. Everything is about $$, we know that very well. I longer feel good asking money from my dad, I dont know why but it makes me feel so useless.I can only feel better by promising myself that every single cent that I spent now, Im gonna earn it back in future. Maybe double of it or triple?

I WANT A CHANGE IN MY LIFE.
A guy said to me this ' never stop your life at one point'. Its so true! We must keep upgrading ourselves to be the best of us. No matter in knowledge or money term. Yea, Im not a simple woman like others. I have my own style of doing things and I have my own requirements towards everything. I definitely not an easy satisfied girl. Some might think this is bad while some will think this is okay. Well, personally Im fine with it. Its actually base on how you see it after all. Only with requirements will make you move towards your goals. This is what I believe. Who doesnt want a financial stable life where you dont really need to worry about your financial when near to end of every month?

Everyone has their own stories, problems, sorrows and etc. Its better not to judge a person even if you knew them because what you knew might not be the truth.

FAMILY IS THE BEST GIFT

Yesterday was an active day with le family. =) Started the day by accompanied my eldest sis to Aeon Station 18. Stopped by for about 2 hours. After that seafood hunting at Tualang ( crabs, prawns, squids, kaku, toufu & fish ). Yea, im allergy with seafood but who cares when comes to SEAFOOD. right? Decided to go the newly renovated Ipoh Parade mall for a walk and tried the Ben's Burger over there. Well the burgers were so so only and the price is abit pricy.  The night was still young so we went for forth round, that was ikan pari at fook singh @ north area ( tong kui ). Reached home about 12 midnight. Well spent with le family.

When a couple got married, they will think of multiple ways to give the best for their children. Ever the children think of taking the responsibility to give the best ( taking care of them ) to their parents in return when they grew up or mature enough? I realized most of the parents will give their 100% love to their children but not all the children able to give 100% love to their parents.
My current frustation : how to find more money so that my parents can have a better living standard. I will try my best!